Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
