Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
