my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
