i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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