Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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