So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
