dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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