I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
