Michael Bay diarrhea
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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