It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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