the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
