I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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