You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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