i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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