fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
