I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
