Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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