I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
