i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
