Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
