I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
