I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
