Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
