I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
operation harelip BJ is a go
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dignity is for republicans.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In other news, I just burned my penis
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