Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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