TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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