i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
