She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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