i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
