google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
