We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
