Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
