What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
