I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
