i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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