if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
