You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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