There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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