Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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