I'm jealous of your bromance
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
