We won't sleep together?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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