I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
