I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You can't special order awesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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