Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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