i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dick very happy bro
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
