What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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