I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
