I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
