We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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