dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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