umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
