oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
