I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The feeling are messing with the penis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
