Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
