and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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