He disabled his match.com account in front of me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
