forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My penis needs a shock collar
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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