ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This house was built for laser tag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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