when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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