Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize