The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
