I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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