WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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