it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
