You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
