My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
