So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
