who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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