Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
