Define "chronic" masturbator.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
